How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed and Unfulfilled

You Can Do Anything, But You Can’t Do Everything

One morning at the bus stop I found myself nearly in tears as I described to a friend all that I needed to do that day. I was burned out, exhausted, falling short, overwhelmed and unfulfilled, and feeling like a failure.

My wise friend looked at me and said “Erika, you can do anything, but you can’t do everything.” In that moment it became clear to me that in my attempt to do it all, I was not actually doing anything well.

I spent the next few weeks taking an inventory of my responsibilities, reflecting on my priorities, asking myself some difficult questions, and ultimately stepping down from two major commitments.

I’ll be honest, it was a difficult adjustment at first. I struggled with guilt over letting people down. I worried that I would lose connections with the people involved. I was absolutely sure that I had made a mistake more than once. And I truly did miss doing two things that I enjoyed.

But as time went on I saw over and over again that I had done the right thing. While people were of course disappointed at first, no one was actually mad at me. I still maintained relationships with the people I used to work with. My stress level decreased. I was able to truly relax with my family without that nagging feeling that I should be doing something productive. I had more time to devote to the commitments I did have, and started to be more effective in those roles. And then, when a new opportunity came along, I was able to say yes and begin an entirely new journey in the fitness world.

If you find yourself in that overwhelmed state of exhaustion, consistently falling short, and feeling unfulfilled, try these

5 steps to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed and Unfulfilled

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1. Realize Your Limits

As moms of the social media and Pinterest era, it is so easy to buy into the lie that we need to do everything that anyone asks with ease and grace and a smile on our face. Some of you out there are actually able to do this, and we will just refer to you as unicorns. But the rest of us, we know that while we may be smiling on the outside, on the inside we are crumbling. We probably yelled at our kids, rejected their pleas to play with them, and failed to pay attention to our husbands. We put the people that matter most on the back burner all in a quest to complete a task or seek approval from someone that never sees us as we truly are.

This is probably the hardest step to complete, because it requires you to admit that you can’t do everything. Yes, you can do anything, but you can’t do everything. So, where is your limit? At what point do you feel like you can’t keep your head above water? When do you become stretched so thin that you start to realize someone else could do this better? Really take some time to reflect and be honest with yourself. And here’s a secret: when you realize that you have limits, you also realize that you have freedom.

2. Prioritize Your People

Next, take a minute and make a list of all the different groups of people you interact with during your daily life. You can be as general or as specific as you like here. Here’s my list: immediate family, extended family, close friends, church friends, school friends, coworkers, acquaintances

Now imagine a large target. No, not the store, (even though a very large Target store would be a dream come true) the bullseye kind of target. Place your people inside the target, starting with the most important in the center. You might decide to put each group in their own ring, or put a few together.

3. Identify Your Commitments

It’s list time again! For this one list all of your roles, responsibilities, and commitments. If you’re a list person you are probably writing down everything from washing dishes to paying the bills. If you’re a big picture person like me you are thinking in categories. Again, whatever works for you!

This was my list at the time:

Family responsibilities
Household responsibilities
Church Pre-K team lead
Small group leader
Young Life board chair
Substitute teacher
Culture committee chair
Blog contributor
Marathon training
Volunteer at Rowlett

4. Simplify Your Schedule and Start Saying No

You’ve realized your limits, prioritized the people in your life, and identified your commitments and responsibilities. Now it’s time to evaluate all three against each other and start making some cuts. I consider this step to be more of an art than a science. This is how it worked for me.

Arm yourself with your target and your list of responsibilities. Starting at the top of the list, ask yourself these questions:

Is this something I have to do?
Does it negatively affect the people in the center circle?
Who am I doing this for? (which circle in the target)
Who does this benefit?
Can someone else do this better?
Does this push me beyond my limits?

Once you have answered these questions, it will quickly become clear to you which commitments need to stay and which ones can go. Of course there will be things you have to do that will take you away from those most important to you. That’s just part of being an adult. But the goal is to minimize those situations so when the mandatory commitments do come up, you and your center circle are not as affected by them.

Now here’s the hard part. Actually saying the word no. Not in a two-year-old temper tantrum way, but in a freeing, unapologetic, live-giving way. Tell people the truth. Admit that you have too much on your plate. Explain that your family is your priority and this commitment is too draining on them. Tell them there is someone out there who can do this better. Whatever your reasons are, stand behind them and don’t be afraid to be honest.

5. Don’t Expect it to be Easy

Saying no is hard. You are going to have some tough conversations. Guilt will probably appear in multiple forms. You may even encounter an angry or disappointed person. You will definitely second-guess your decision and try to take it back. When this happens, I encourage you to stand firm.

While saying no will be hard at first, it will get easier. You will see the positive effect it has on the people in your center circle, and realize the importance of keeping your commitments in check. And, when you say no to people, you will give them the freedom and encouragement to do the same. The feeling of being overwhelmed and unfulfilled will transform to a feeling of peace and purpose.