The Surprising Ways Adoption Impacts Your Family

Every November I spend extra time being thankful for the things God has given me in my life. I know that this is true for most people, with the Thanksgiving holiday coming at the end of the month. For our family, November is also the month that we celebrate two of our four children joining our family through adoption.

I have spent two Thanksgivings in China adopting two of our four children. On each of those trips I substituted our turkey and mashed potatoes for rice and what I hope was chicken. During our second trip I was really struggling with missing the comforts of home, so I wrote a slightly humorous list of everything that I was grateful for. I mostly emphasized clean water, American toilets, and social norms that prevent people from openly criticizing your parenting skills in public.

thankful for adoption of lily on citizenship day

Now I sit on the other side of our adoptions. One of my babies has been home six years and the other is approaching the eight year mark. This month I find myself thinking about the ways I am thankful for adoption and for how it has impacted our family.

Teaches You How to Love When It’s Not Easy

My youngest daughter was, and still is, a strong-willed, independent child. She could throw a tantrum like nobody’s business and did so all the time. She screamed through China while strapped to my body in an Ergo, she screamed and threw herself to the floor in public, and she about lost her mind whenever she didn’t get her way.

thankful for adoption lily screaming in ergo

We brought a 17-month-old into my kids’ lives that didn’t understand possessions or toys. Then we asked them to be nice to her, play with her, and love her. And they did. Even through the hard times when they were upset and angry and really did not want her near any of their stuff, they grew to love her as their sister. Then two years later their brother came along. This time they were already practiced in loving someone who was hurt, scared, taking their parents’ attention, and breaking their new favorite toy. They learned how to love when it wasn’t easy, and I know they will continue to do that throughout their lives.

Normalizes the Fact that Families Look Different

I am thankful that adoption has shown my kids that families look different. It is absolutely no big deal to my kids that they don’t look alike or have the same country of birth. They think that adoption is totally normal, and I love it. I hope that one day when they have families of their own, adoption will be part of that plan. I want them to experience both the great joy and also the growth that adoption brings as a parent.

Brings Amazing Kids Into Your Life

And of course, the most important thing I am thankful for is that adoption brought me two amazing kids.

I have a son with a ready smile and constant laugh that loves to help. He spends most of his free time drawing and playing with his stuffed animals. When he was little we jokingly referred to him as Charlie Chaplin. If charades was an Olympic sport he would be a gold medal winner! He adores playing with his siblings, loves swimming, and charms everyone he meets. When I drop him off at school, all of the kids in his class greet and hug him.

My daughter loves all things glitter and sparkle, would bake every day if I let her, and literally squeals with delight any time she is excited about something. Which is a lot, let me tell you! She can’t say goodbye or goodnight with a high five, fist bump, and hug. She has perfected the art of raising her eyebrows and does it at the most hilarious times. And she LOVES her mommy. Like a lot. This girl literally could not survive with a mom. I am so thankful that I was chosen to be hers.

People often comment about how lucky our kids are that we adopted them. And while they do have a much brighter future here than they would have if they remained in an orphanage, I don’t necessarily agree with this sentiment.

Our kids left everything they had ever known to cross an ocean and live with complete strangers without having any say in the matter. They are brave, they are strong, they are resilient, and they are amazing. But lucky? No. My husband, my two oldest kids and I, we have the privilege of being part of their story. I think we are the lucky ones.